Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
