Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
