We're like a lot better than the average bears
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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