Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
