I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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