My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
