ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
