i already hear my dad disowning me
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
