i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
