just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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