Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
