On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
