just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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