I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
