just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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