Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She's the barista slut.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
