my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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