I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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