He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
