dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
