I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
