ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
