Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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