3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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