And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
