On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
