this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
