Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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