69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
and she was petting her beer can
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
