I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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