If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
