and she was petting her beer can
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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