from now on my penis is your penis
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
