He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
