I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
