If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
