Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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