you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize