i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
