Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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