Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
