I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
