Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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