The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
