threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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