All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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