non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize