Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
