Apparently you make a good broom.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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