I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
