woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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