So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
