I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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