your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
