I hate your face
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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