apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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