tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
