Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
