OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
