We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
