I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
