Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
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He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
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Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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