Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
