Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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