so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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