At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
