yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
