worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
