May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
