So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize