how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it's like iHOP with fire
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.