I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
