Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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