i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
