just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Boobs speak an international language.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
