oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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