I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
