Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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