whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
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