i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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