hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same