How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
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Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
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"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.