I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
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It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
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You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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