I can text with my tongue
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
