idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
