and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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