Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
