my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
