"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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