i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
