Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize